Hold Me Close Tiny Dancer

Overheard this weekend: "Daddy's house is dirty. Our big house is clean". Just stab me right in the heart.

I felt sick most of the weekend and struggled to even get off the couch at all on Sunday. Despite the sickness we took them both to Chuck E. Cheese on Saturday afternoon where we enjoyed an hour-long wait just to get in only to discover that at least 5 games were broken. Hell hath no fury like a toddler scorn for broken games at CEC.

The one moment that made up for all the suck? Lying in bed with Gracie watching Stuart Little 2. I inevitably end up tickling her neck and after a minute she says "That's enough Mommy".

The Office

Why can't these two kids work it out?! I spent most of this episode just thinking it was OK... until the last two minutes. Jim had spent the whole day looking for Pam and then he learns that she was thinking about him all day too. Sigh.

Of course I had to explain all of this to Gregg. Men.

Shhh... I'm hibernating

At least it feels that way. We have a certain pattern in our lives and schedule that we follow, if not on purpose then due to habit. Cold, dark mornings are especially cruel. I make the coffee hot and so aromatically dense it could wake the dead. Evening are spent bundled up and playing with Grace and watching TV or playing Scrabble. We are in our cocoon.

We are essentially alone here. We spend almost all our free time (that being, not working time) together. We get on each other's nerves and get bored with each other, but we are all each other has.

Our final months here are going to be like a holding pattern: we're waiting to land. Until then, I'm hibernating.

Calgon Take Me Away

It's probably been no secret that I've been depressed since moving here and since as long as I can remember really. I finally went to see someone yesterday. I didn't totally do it for myself. This was mostly because I don't want the way I feel to affect my daughter and if there was a possible solution that would benefit both her and myself along with my marriage why would I NOT do it, right? It was embarrassing just calling to make an appointment. I don't know why I felt that way. He explained that even if there is a chemical imbalance to blame for the depression, having dealt with it for so long I have learned on how to work around it and how I have been repeating behaviors that aren't successful. This is called neurosis. Not psychosis, thank goodness. Good news, I'm not totally nuts. Even better news, I might actually get better.

I did leave feeling better about things and actually hopeful. My doctor has a plan in motion and helped me to actually talk about some things. It was mostly just an introduction regarding the people in my life. Gregg might join me in a few weeks and that can only help too. Cause he's supportive and cool like that.

Japan Bans American Beef... AGAIN

This just gives me SO little hope in our government regarding the food we eat. Just when I was halfway thinking about having a burger, Japanese importers find a spine mixed in with our beef. This is only one month after we were allowed to start importing beef again to Japan after a two year ban. So my personal ban continues as well.

Minneapolis is the most fun city!

I totally agree.

As if I needed another reason to move back.

Virginia doesn't get any kind of love, with Norfolk ending up at number 31!!! We aren't even anywhere near Norfolk.

Johnny Cupcake

Because I support independent shops, designers and cupcakes (heh) I'm passing this on. Urban Outfitters ripped off a design that Johnny Cupcake had out two years ago. They changed the color and the type of plane, but it is clear as day what they are doing. Now they don't have to pay for the design and they are a big company with big lawyers to back them up. Also, if you have not seen Johnny Cupcake designs, adorable.

I would so LOVE to have a cupperwear party!

4 Things

Four jobs I've had in my life: Um... a Secretary, Admin. Assistant, an Executive Assistant and a Project Assistant. Oh sure, they all sound different, but they are all, in fact, hell on earth.
Four movies I could watch over and over: Fever Pitch, Finding Neverland, Wedding Singer, Dirty Dancing. Wedding Singer is my movie I watch when I'm depressed about my own life. When I was laid off I watched it a minimum of twice a week.
Four places I've lived: Minnesota, Virginia, Grand Cayman (for a week anyway ;)
Four TV shows I love to watch: The Office (I'm obsessed with it), Lost, CSI, Wheel of Fortune (because I ALWAYS beat Gregg)
Four places I've been on vacation: Seattle, Mexico, Grand Cayman, Las Vegas
Four websites I visit daily: ljcfyi.com, amalah.com, everydaystranger.mu.nu, drudgereport.com
Four of my favorite foods: Caribou coffee, chocolate, sun dried tomatoes (I know they are passe, but I still love them), capers
Four places I'd rather be: sleeping, playing with my daughter, a movie theater, a gym
Four albums I can't live without: Under the Table & Dreaming, Fumbling Towards Ecstacy, and.... I'm going to have to think on this one for a while. I like a lot of songs, but there aren't many albums that all the songs are good.

Ten Thoughts to Ponder in 2006

10. Life is sexually transmitted.

9. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

8. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see me without an erection, please make me a sandwich.

7. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

6. Some people are like a Slinky.....not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

5. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

4. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

3. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

2. In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now The world is weird and People take Prozac to make it normal.

AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2006:

We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of Illegal immigrants and terrorists are located.

Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.

Birthdays

February is getting to be one of the busier months for birthdays. In that short month we have mine, Grace's, my mother-in-law's, my friend Kim's and two of my nieces.

I'm still up in the air for plans for Grace's birthday. Since there will be no family in town for it I'm tempted to just buy her some toys and go out to dinner. I think if we do have a party for her it will be Toy Story* and we'll wait until some family members come to visit in March. Another big one that I'm trying not to think about too much, but I have to because my niece's is 3 days later, is my 30th. I guess it's a big deal and I would be bummed if it just got skimmed over, but part of me thinks that would be OK too!

*Why in the world do Disney, et.al. put a movie in "The Vault" only to release it several years later to new, younger viewers and not release a whole new batch of merchandise to go along with it? I would love to be able to buy the plates, balloons, along with all of the toys in Toy Story. No such luck. Another reason Disney sucks. Yeah, I said it!

Oil of Olay Winter Retreat

No need to thank me. But you will want to.

I'm not very good about putting lotion on in the morning after a shower, but with this body wash I really don't need to.

If you can find this, buy two bottles. Trust me. It helped even my super dry hands. I cannot find a picture of the bottle anywhere online, but it has a blue cap. I bought mine at Target (of course).

Here is the description:

Olay Complete Winter Retreat Body Wash - 12 OZ

MANUFACTURER: PROCTER & GAMBLE CONSUMER.
INDICATIONS: Olay Complete Body Wash nourishes skin completely with a soap-free cleansing formula for gentle cleansing and a clean rinse that keeps in moisture without leaving heavy residue and moisturizing with nourishing vitamin E, A & B3 enriched Olay moisturizers that penetrate deep within the surface for skin conditioning. In the shower: Squeeze a small amount of product onto wet puff. Lather and rinse. Store bottle upside down to ease dispensing.

This too shall pass

Today has started out much better. No tearful goodbyes at daycare, no big fights over getting dressed. I just hate leaving her and when she puts up such a fight it makes it that much harder. I know all working mothers go through this. The truth is, they are teaching her things that, if I was home with her, I wouldn't have the time, the patience or the creativity to do. Also, she's learning social skills and how to get along with her peers. Since she is essentially an only child still, that is very important to learn.

Gregg and I talked and I feel better about us moving. If he gets a job sooner rather than later we will move up sooner. If not, we'll stay put. He would like to be here for Mackenzie's 5th birthday May 1, but if not, he'll fly back to see her.

We're also thinking twice about moving right near my mom. That area seems to be having a problem with too many drugs and a little too ghetto. Now that they have decided to definitely (???) build the stadium there too, well... that also makes us want to look further down the road.

So things are still up in the air. A lot of things. But I can't really control any of it. What's that saying? Let go and let God. Easier said than done.

I'm about to lose it

I just cannot keep my shit together today. Grace did not want to daycare. She just clung to me and didn't want to stay/didn't want me to leave. One of her teachers brought her to the window and watched me leave as she's just bawling. I can NOT take it anymore. I have got to quit my job. I snapped at Mackenzie this weekend because she wouldn't stop playing and come eat lunch. I started crying last night because it just seems like everyone has their shit together. Our neighbors, Sean and Heather, just bought a house and will be moving next month. I already feel so alone here and now they're leaving too. I'm being a bit dramatic, they are still in town.

I so badly want to quit my job and stay at home with Grace. If I do that I don't know if that will affect us being qualified to buy a house up in MN. Daycare already eats up 1/2 of my take home pay. I have said it before and I'll say it again: I busted my ass and got a college degree so I could be someone ELSE'S secretary? WTF?! I just can't hold out any longer. Ugh!!!

Happy freaking Monday!