Monday, May 22, 2006

Grammar Police

I have always, as long as I have known myself, been a stickler for grammar and its correct usage. When my husband tells someone that he is doing "good" I remind him that you can't "do good" unless you are giving money to the poor. So naturally when I saw this I HAD to post it. I may print it out and post around the office.

Grammar Rules and Other Random Thoughts...
1. Don't use no double negatives.
2. Don't never use no triple negatives.
3. No sentence fragments
Corollary: Complete sentences: important.
4. Avoid cliches like the plague.
ex.#1: She used cliches like there was no tommorrow.
ex.#2: He used cliches like they were going out of style.
5. Always good syntax use.
6. Don't put the emPHAsis on the wrong syLABle.
7. Do'nt mispel wurds.
8. Avoid those run on sentences that just go on and on and on and never stop and they have no ending and you really wish the person would just shut up but no they just continue to babble incessently never stopping and these sentences they just keep going and they last until the end of time if you know what I mean or get my drift or something like that... do you?
9. Don't be terse.
10. Never be redundant and repeat youself and say the same things over and over agian.
11. Never use silly purposeless, useless, ridiculous, bomabastic, pointless adjectives
12. Never contradict yourself always.
13. All generalisations are bad
Corollary: All statements must be specific.
14. Avoid at all costs those abominable, outrageously repellent exaggerations.
Everyone should be a non-conformist.
People who insult others are jerks.
Nobody has a right to his opinion.
15. Don't f***ing curse.
16. Remember to end each sentence with a period
17. Don't use question marks inappropriately?
18. I could be wrong but in all likelihood it probably wouldn't be an all around good idea to use unnecessary qualifiers.
19. You should never use the second person.
20. The passive voice should never be used.
21. Take care that your verb and subject is in agreement.
22. Don't obfuscate your communications with extraneous verbiage.
23. Don't use very good, quite nice, trite adjectives.
24. Keep your ear to the grindstone, your nose to the ground, take the bull by the horns of a dilemma, and stop mixing your metaphors.
25. Don't be vague and stuff like that.
26. Long ago, when everybody will use good grammar, nobody misuses verb tenses.
27. Join clauses good like a conjunction should.
28. When dangling, watch your participles.
29. Make each pronoun agree with their antecedent.
30. Don't use commas, which aren't necessary.
31. Try not ever to split infinitives.
32. Its important that you use your apostrophe's correctly.
33. A preposition is a bad thing to end a sentence with.
34. Down with categorical imperitives.
35. Always be decisive. Well, maybe you shouldn't be decisive...on the other hand, maybe you should be......actually maybe not....
36. Never compromise, or at least not too often.
37. Stop calling me immature or I'll tell on you.
38. Death to intolerance.
39. We will fight to the death for our pacifist aims.
40. Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it.
41. Always be punctilious, puntual, punishing, and pungent, punt on fourth and ten and expunge bad puns from your writing.
42. Never cut off the end of a
43. I really hate it when people complain.
44. Never go of on tangents or lose your train... train... train... I have this great story about this railway trip I took...
45. Never listen to advice.


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