Tuesday, October 04, 2005


I feel like I can't do the right thing lately. My daughter is in daycare so I can work. I'm working so that she can go to daycare and learn social skills, have a schedule and be ready for school. This has been on my mind and weighing heavily on my heart since I had to go back to work. Am I doing the right thing by having her in daycare? Yes, I have a job that I hate and the work I'm doing is not satisfying at all. (Hello, I went to college to be someone else's secretary?!). Being able to quit would be a bonus.

I was at home for her first 7 months and I loved it. If I was home with her she would still learn her colors and numbers and be learning about the seasons, etc. I would also be able to sign her up for dance lessons, swimming lessons and other things that are offered during the day to continue her social development.

There would be enough money for all our bill plus some left over. Not a lot for savings or buying a home. Although I'm not sure right now is a good time to be buying anyway. No thank you housing bubble!

I think the part I'm struggling with is the thought of just yanking her out of daycare. For no apparent reason? Or is there? If she hates going in the morning, and I have no reason to believe that continues throughout the day, why continue to torture her? If I concede and let her stay home am I giving in? If she was a baby I don't think this would be such a tough decision. Stay home. Easy. Done. But, when she is almost 3 why does that seem almost like a bad idea? Is it ever a bad idea to stay home with them? 3 is kind of the magic number around here. That's the age that she can take a lot of the classes through our city's rec. dept.

Most importantly, I want to do the right thing for Grace.


Anonymous DougieMae said...


Paste this article into your web browser. Hopefully it works.

That is a hard decision that only you three can make!

If you do decide to keep her home there are lots of groups that the two of you can join.

Maybe find a job where you can work part time and send her to daycare during that time. That would benefit both of you. You would get your adult interaction at work (that we all need) and she would get to spend time with kids her age and interact with them. Maybe you will even find a job that you like to do part-time!

Tough decision ahead of you!

2:45 PM  
Anonymous vicki said...

It sounds as if you know the right answer and you are just second guessing yourself?

I always looked at it this way: I'm a reasonably smart, sensitive, high energy, loving mom. It took all that I had to give my two the attention they needed to be happy, calm, trusting children with good experiences that would enrich their lives and feed their curiosity. So why would I assume that another person, no matter how skilled or loving, could do as good a job with my child plus five others?

There are ways to make daycare work for families where it's necessary. But it's not necessary for your child to have a daycare experience. There are lots of other ways to meet her needs for interactions and play with other children through Rec/Ed classes. I also think one of the biggest drawbacks to daycare- call me weird- is the size of the germ pool. Why have a child with a runny nose half the winter?
I'm new to your blog so I'll go poke around but my guess is, per your first comment, there are ways for you to find more satisfying work that is not at such cost to you and your daughter and your time together. School years are long enough without tacking on an extra two.
I firmly believe, after 30 years of working with little ones, that the more time parents can spend with their pre-schoolers the better. Relax, enjoy- this time is short!
Good luck! And check out the book Every Child's Birthright by Selma Fraiberg- an older but still relevant and smart read.

7:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hello kim, i think you already know my answer to your issue. gracie desirves to be with her mommy and her mommy needs to be with her. I feel in daycare they have to many "bosses" rules are different for each caregiver at day care and then what do they want me to do at home? she will only be little for a while {ever heard that song, probably not its country.}just realize you will wake up one day sooner than you think and that baby will be 18 with her car loaded and be moving on to college or worse yet with some yuckie boy!!! dont laugh it's just around the corner.
it is obvious that you want to be with her and you know she would love to be home with you. no more fighting in the morning to get ready for daycare {till school} you can teach her all they do in daycare.not to mention how sick she is all the time.
you will never get this time back.
this is what i think. pull her out of daycare enjoy the heck out of her{yes she is going to make you crazy at times that part of her job} you get a part time evening job at a scrapbook shop one evening a week {no weekends} look
at how quick you will get that book caught up and enjoy being with adults and get grocery money.i could go for ever there are to many reasons for you to stay home with her as long as you dont need the money.
well i wish you the best and hope you feel you make the right decision for you all.
thinking of you all

8:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Kim, I think quiting your job would be the best thing you could do for your whole family! You have enough money for the bills, who cares about a house? What's important is that you will be there for Grace, your her Mother and she needs you and her Dad! I was very lucky and got to stay at home with our kids and I think that is why they are such great kids, because they knew I was always there for anything they needed, whether it was a hug or a spanking! Do it Kim!! Sally

5:34 PM  

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